It was the summer of 1983 and I sat in the living room of my friends’ rented house in Provincetown, Cape Cod. Many members of their family had gathered to enjoy the season in this community of art, entertainment, seafood and boating. Lauren, my friends’ 3-year old daughter had lived on the Cape each summer of her short life.

On this sultry evening I watched Lauren’s Aunt Marcia play horn with the cardboard tube from an empty roll of paper towels. “Toot, toot, toot, I love Lauren!” She played across the room to her little niece.

In that moment, I realized that I had never told Lauren that I loved her. And I did, very much. She was the apple of my eye. Her mother and I were best friends, and I had spent much time with Lauren since her birth.

I wondered why I had hesitated to tell her that I loved her — young ones can use a lot of love. We ALL can use a lot of love.

I had come from a family that was not demonstrative in their affection. My father and brothers had valued intellect over sentiment, and as the only girl, I had gained approval by earning high grades, having my letters to the editor published in the local paper, and being awarded several scholarships when I graduated from high school. I had even chosen a very mental career—computer programming—when I was in my 20’s.

My parents divorced, and my mother remarried. I was an adult when Merrill came into our family, but he still called me “Daddy’s Little Girl.” Merrill was a factory worker and had little formal education. He was different from us in many ways, but nothing stopped his expressions of love and approval. He ended every phone call by saying “I love you.”

Merrill passed away two short years after he came into our lives, but he changed us forever. Over the long years since he taught us how to show our love, we have continued to end every phone call with those precious words.

Why is it so hard to share our feelings with others? Is it because we fear not being loved in return? Is it because we feel the gift of our love will not be valued? I believe these fears are based on having a sense of low self-worth—and that the cause of this low self-worth is not realizing how infinitely valuable we are to God (however we choose to define God), and how indispensable is our role in creation.

When we realize that we have never been, and could never be, outside of God’s love and approval, then we relax into a state of giving that same love freely and fearlessly. Our problems with self-worth spring from our efforts to find validation in the outside world. These efforts will always be futile. No matter how rich we are, how famous we are, how adored we are, how healthy we are—or are not--true self-worth is within us. It is our birthright—equally guaranteed to all of God’s creation.

Each of us can, right here, right now, stop the struggle to succeed, to be accepted, to have security, to find love. For we have already met those goals. We did so simply by being. It is only when we create the illusion of separation—separation from God and from each other—that we believe we must strive in the outer world.

Merrill knew this. He may not have known it intellectually, but he knew it in his heart. Lauren’s Aunt Marcia also knew this. And these two people, separated by many years and many miles, modeled this fearless loving for me.

I consider myself lucky that my ministerial career provides me with so many people to love—and with so many opportunities to tell them that I love them. Not your normal day at the office! So, I encourage you to say “I love you.” Say it often. You might be surprised at all the love that you uncover!

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